9.Giving people on the White House tour the finger

8.Punched the side of Al Gore's head so hard he broke his hand

7.Threw half-eaten Big Mac from South Portico, beaning a Marine Band clarinetist

6.At recent Rose Garden ceremony, has Secret Service rough up some Spelling Bee champions

5.Blurted out to Roger, "Isn't it time you got, like, a job?"

4.When pizza was late, beat delivery boy senseless with a Yoo-Hoo bottle

3.Feverishly adds names to long list of guys he's going to slug the minute he becomes a private citizen

2.Actually talked back to Hillary

1.Every five minutes, he's threatening to bomb Mexico