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More American Observations
by Yakov Smirnoff

Because there are so many restaurants in the Unites States, you'll have to
be selective. The very first American restaurant I visited was Denny's.
We didn't have Denny's in Russia--thank God! What a strange place. When
I want in to be seated, the hostess asked me, "How many in your party?" I
said, "Two million.". She gave me a corner booth.

You may start to wonder about some of the people who work there. They
all seem to look the same. I was curious to know if, to hire someone
there, they require a three pimple minimum. The hardest thing to get
used to is the service they give. I ordered a hamburger in one place
and the waiter asked me if I wanted him to "hold my pickle". I said,
"No, thanks, not while I'm eating." Then he asked if he could "toast my
buns." When he offered me some "secret sauce", I decided to take my
meal "to go". When he said he was going to put it in a doggie bag, I
just stuffed the food in my pocket and left.


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