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Return to the Halloween Joke List

Halloween One-Liners

Joke submitted by: Anonymous


Q: What do little ghosts drink? A: Evaporated milk.


Q: Why do cemeteries have fences around them? A: Because people are dying to get in.


Q: When do ghosts usually appear? A: Just before someone screams.


Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost? A: "How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?"


Q: What's a ghost's favorite breakfast? A: Ghost toasties with booberries.


Q: What's soft, moldy and flies? A: A spoiled bat.


Q: What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back? A: "You're under a vest!" Q: What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home? A: He had to give it back.


Q: Why did the monster salute his vegetable soup? A: He looked in his bowl and saw a kernel of corn.


Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A: A dead ringer.


Q: What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time? A: I'd like to get to gnaw you.


Q: Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime? A: "Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."


Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day? A: So they can fight knights.


Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables? A: In a blood bank.


Q: How does a witch tell time? A: She looks at her witch watch.


Q: Where can you see a real ugly monster? A: In the mirror.


Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat? A: When you're a mouse. Q: Why did the monster eat the caboose? A: The locomotive told him to "Choo, choo."


Q: What's the best place for a mirror? A: In a graveyard. It can double your mummy.


Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet? A: A holy terror.


Q: Why do witches think they're funny? A: Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.


Q: How do mummies hide? A: They wear masking tape.


Q: What would you find on a haunted beach? A: A sand witch.


Q: Who has a broom and flies? A: A jelly-covered janitor.


Q: What time would it be if five demons were chasing you? A: Five after one.


Q: Why don't skeletons like parties? A: They have no body to dance with.


Q: What did the bat say to the witch's hat? A: You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.


Q: What if you crossed a rabbit with a wolf? A: You'd get a harewolf. Q: What happens when a flying witch breaks the sound barrier? A: You hear the broom boom.


Q: What goes "Oob, oob!" A: A witch in reverse.


Q: How do you make a milkshake? A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"


Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom? A: She flies off the handle.


Q: Why do demons hang out with ghouls? A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend.


Q: Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball? A: It was his bat.


Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost? A: Put your boos and shocks on.


Q: Mother vampire to son: A: Hurry up and eat your breakfast before it clots.


Q: Mommy, Mommy, the kids all call me a werewolf. A: Never mind, dear, now go and comb your face.


Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other? A: See you next month!




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