The Best Female Jokes and Joke E-mail List

The Perfect Day for Her: 8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses 8:30 Weigh in 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer 10:30 Sauna, followed by a gentle massage, facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out 12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs. 1:30 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit 3:00 Nap 4:30 3 dozens roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer 5:30 Pick out expensive outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing 10:00 Hot shower (alone) 10:30 Make love 12:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling 12:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms The Perfect Day for Him: 6:00 Alarm 6:15 Blowjob 6:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today 7:00 Breakfast, filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee 7:30 Limo arrives 7:45 Stoli Bloody Mary enroute to airport 8:15 DFW - Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia (Coffee, SI and WSJ) 9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club 9:45 Front nine at Augusta (2 under) 11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens 12:15 Blowjob 12:30 Back nine Augusta (4 under) 2:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay martini) 2:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap) 3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless)crew 4:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1,249 lbs) 5:00 G4 back to DFW, massage & hand job enroute by naked Kathy Ireland 6:45 Shit, shower and shave 7:00 Watch CNN newsflash: Clinton resigns, Hillary and Al Gore farm animal video released and authenticated. (Hillary has a secret mole, Al looks real cold) 7:30 Dinner, lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963), 20 oz. New York steak 9:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar 9:30 Sex with three women (preferably at least two with mixed race origin) 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi 11:45 Bed (alone) 11:50 12 second, 4 note fart, dog leaves the room 11:55 Sleep


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