Ed: "Hello Mr. Clinton. How are things going lately?"

Clinton: "What the hell do you think? I’ve just been impeached. Don’t you have a TV?"

Ed: "Yes, of course Sir, stupid question. I’m sorry. That was very insensitive of me."

Clinton: "Damn right. Now let’s get this interview over with. I’ve got some presidential duties I’ve got to perform soon."

Ed: "Alright. First question, Sir. Why Monica? I mean, she’s pretty bugly."

Clinton: "’Bugly’? Sorry son, don’t quite know what that means."

Ed: "Oh, it’s a little word we say out here in California. It’s ‘butt’ + ‘ugly’ put together. Bugly."

Clinton: "Well, son, when you got a wife like mine, who by the way is very bugly, you don’t get around to screwing as much as one would hope. And, my God, my horny level was about this fricking high! I mean, even Socks started looking like a mighty good pussy."

Ed: "Ahem..err…of course Sir. But what I mean is, Monica is just so damn fat! She looks like she never ever swallowed, you know what I mean?"

Clinton: "Well, my boy, like they say. You can’t have heat if ya don’t got the meat."

Ed: "Oh, ha ha. Of course…some men like porky women. I respect that. If I were you though, and Monica was sucking on my cock, I’d be hella scared that she might have hot-dog flashbacks and start chewing on my dick!"

Clinton: "That never bothered me much. Sure, I thought about it when she went down on me, but I figured that my ‘presidential staff’ was bent crooked enough to dissuade her of that cannibalistic possibility."

Ed: "Oh that’s right! Isn’t your pee pee bent, like, 62 degrees to the left, or something? How’d that happen?"

Clinton: "Humph!…..Grrr….I really wouldn’t not like to talk about that."

Ed: "Come on! Come on! I’ll be your friend!"

Clinton: "Fine, okay. It all started years ago, back in my college days. I was young, I was stupid, and I was ignorant. In fact, believe or not, I was a damn virgin! Me, a virgin!"

(Ed Smiles)

Clinton: "Anyway, I was with the loser squad. Nobody invited any of us to be in any fraternities. Even the geeky ass nerds shunned us. So one day, me and my pals decided we were going to do something great. Something so memorable that we were gonna be school legends!"

Ed: "Wow, what’d you guys do?"

Clinton: "Well, my friend had a another friend who new some guy whose girlfriend’s dad owned a farm. Man did we had the connections! Now we needed to find somebody who owned a car."

Ed: "Did you?"

Clinton: "No. We ended up paying $400 to Chad Pilky for a 20-minute ride in his Pinto."

(Ed laughs, hard. Ha ha ha!)

Clinton: "Hey you little turd, you best not laugh or I’ll pardon your father out of jail!"

Ed: "No! No! I’m sorry Sir, anything but that. My asshole still hurts from my last visit home!"

Clinton: "That’s better. So, we ended up paying $400 to Chad Pilky for a 20-minute ride in his Pinto. We got to the farm, and luck be with us, nobody was home. My pals and I made our way to the barn, and there he was. Little Bill, the billy goat."

Ed: "Don’t tell me, you didn’t…..kill it, …did you?"

Clinton: "Not exactly, I mean, we didn’t mean to kill it."

Ed: "Good Lord! Our Commander in Chief killed a poor defenseless billy goat!"

Clinton: "Hush! Shhhh! NO! It’s not like that. We didn’t kill it. We just, ‘played’ with it."

Ed: "Oh…what’d you guys do? Play with it’s teets and drain all of it’s milk?"

Clinton: "What the hell? I’m no queer! We just made it suck our cocks!"

(Awkward Silence)

Clinton: "And you know goats, they’ll eat anything."

(Ed Shudders)

Clinton: "Boy! Where are you going?"

Ed: "Oh…no-where. So, you said the goat died?"

Clinton: "Yeah, turns out my friend Skippy had the flu, and the goat just couldn’t fight off them little germies."

Ed: "Well, enough about your ‘sex life,’ Mr. Clinton."

Clinton: "What else is there to talk about?!"

Ed: "Hmmm…you’re right."

(Clinton takes another swig on his Budweiser.)

Clinton: "You really look like a nishe kid, Ed. Wouldja like for me to tell you about de time that I screwed Hillary’s dear old Mom?"

(Ed gulps)

Ed: "Sure Mr. President. Go ahead."

Clinton: "It was de year 1983, and, ha ha! We were vishiting the in-lawshs, and uh….Hillary and her Daddy went off to lunsch someplashe, while Hillary’sh mommy lay shick in the bed. Like I shay before, my horny level went thish freaking high! She never knew what shcrewed her! It’sh any man’s dream!"

Ed: "What did you do after that, Sir?"

Clinton: "Why, I ran away."

Ed: "Ran away?"

Clinton: "Yesh, Shir, he who fucksh and runs away, livesh to fuck again."

Ed: "Well, thanks for this interview Mr. President. I learned a lot."

(Clinton gulps down the rest of his Bud.)

Clinton: "Where ye goingksh?"

Ed: "Uh….I’m going back home so I can post this interview on the ‘net."

Clinton: "The ‘net! NO!"

Ed: "Yeah, the ‘net. Didn’t I tell you that tens of thousands of people across the entire globe are going to be reading this?"

(Clinton becomes red in the face.)

Clinton: "NO!"

Ed: "Sorry, my mistake. Bye!"

(Ed leaves the White House)

Ed: (Outside) "Geez, you’d think he’d be used to people ratting him out by now."